lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
