Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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