fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
