his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
