I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
