I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
