in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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