You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
