I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
