He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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