You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
