Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
