just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
