i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
