he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize