I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There r osticjed everywhere
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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