we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
