i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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