And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
