how can u be prego again
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
