I wish my penis had an off switch
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
