At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
