I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
