Your face is a jimmy john
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
