I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
