can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
