I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
