I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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