he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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