if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
