i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
