In the future we'll all be gay
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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