remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
