I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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