He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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