I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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