apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
