guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i came on her dog
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
