dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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