dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize