My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
handjob tips. give me some.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
