saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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