So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
