You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
