Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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