but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
