he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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