What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
