In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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