Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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