If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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