My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
