I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
