My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
