His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
