do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
