I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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