Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
