glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
