i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
