About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
