she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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