I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
