how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
