What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
