ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
organizing the empties. That sober.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
