I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
