True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
