dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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