Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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