Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
