I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
