that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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