Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
